Reflections

As I sit here on the eve of my 37th birthday, I wonder at the journey that has led me to this current path. I can look back without fear on the decisions I have made and feel proud of the choices that have brought me here.
It's not been an easy road, those who have been with me since the beginning know only too well that I have existed too long and for far too often in the darkness. Sheltering my spirit, healing my mind and coaxing a bruised soul. But although the time in the blackness of solitude has been crushing at it's lowest point, there has been moments of true reflection...a chance for me to see myself honestly. Not as others would look upon me, but as I would portray myself...a true reflection of my own mind, a kind of defining moment of realisation.
So although I have arrived at this stage in my life fairly unscathed and have always feared the elusiveness of the dark, I now find it's presence comforting. Knowing that although to be within it's clutches is to be emotionally torn, I also know that from that comes a certain amount of healing and a rejuvenation of a spirit.
I hope that from this moment on in my life, my visits to the darker side of my persona become less frequent. As now I have within my grasp what I have always craved...a sense of belonging, a true purpose in life and the knowledge that I am loved for no other reason except that I am just Me!
I give thanks to the blessings in my life. The three children I have been gifted and the spirit that grows within me stronger each day. The love of a good, kind and wonderful man. The love of family and friends. And the adventure of a new home and a new life that is about to enter all our tomorrow's.
For now, I am at peace.
And that, is the best gift I could ever wish for.

Smiling on the inside..

I've not been myself lately,
Many changes going on,
And yet there you stand, steadfast as ever,
Strong and loyal and loving,
With those ever open arms,
Ready for each time I fall,
Rescuing me from each little hiccup along the way,
Soothing my throbbing brow,
Tending to each minute need I seem to develop,
Without question and so willingly.
Baby, I know you don't hear it as often as you should these days,
But "I adore you",
And I'm blessed that we are sharing this wondrous new journey together,
One I thought I would never see again,
You are the whispers that sedate my soul,
The hands that enrich this spirit,
I am yours,
Always,
Adoringly and completely,
I love you.

Where does the time go?

It's been six short months since you entered my life and the time has slipped passed me in the blink of an eye. And yet the journey to get here has been difficult for us both.
We've had some struggles in these few short months, events that would tear most people apart or at best rock the foundations of their world. Together we have managed to claw our way through agonies that seemed to have bestowed themselves upon us so very early on, to evolve stronger and victorious and more resolute.

Hand in hand we have shared a miraculous journey that was so clearly fated for both of us. It was no accident that we found each other the way we did. And it was somehow absurdly unique that after finally finding what the other had been searching for, for what seemed a lifetime, that it was quickly and so cruelly tested to it's very limits.

But here we are, half a year...Yes that's right...half a whole year later still fascinated by the other. Still wondering at the craziness of it all. And how a single phone call, and a little bit of dutch courage leading to an early morning drive could result in something so remarkable that it still makes me catch my breath when I recall those first few moments......
The first time my eyes reached yours, the smile that danced from my eyes to my lips as you said Hello and then that very first touch.....as you held me in your arms and everything around me stopped as my heartbeat fell in time with yours...
You were the one.
The missing piece of my soul.
At last,
I was Home.

In the Here and Now

Life feels such a battle sometimes,
And then I see you.
Feel you,
Hear you whisper my name in the dark.
Your warm hand in mine,
The images you paint so clearly in my mind,
Envelope any fear or doubt,
Having you close to me,
Feeling your heartbeat in the blackness of night,
The heat of your body,
As your trusted hands explain to me once again how much you Love me.
When the past comes back to haunt me,
I hear your words comfort my aching soul,
As your adoration strokes my beaten spirit,
Mending these wings,
Breathing life into this heart once more.
I have no pen with which to write these emotions,
No sentence that truly expresses my thoughts,
I am lost within your gaze to all sense and reason,
I only know that without you I would only exist.
And now I've tasted what it is to truly live,
I will Love and Live with all of me,
With you,
In the Here and Now.

Sugar x

And in the beginning...

...oh where to begin?

With Love

Sugar